“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
Interestingly, William Shakespeare also has the similar quote. It doesn't matter who say it or whatsoever, but it make sense!! Even though I know this quote for a long time, but I still find myself trying to understand what it actually mean. For me, a lot of things is easy to understand, but when it comes to realisation, it isn't easy at all. It need real experience to feel it.
One of good example for me is when my auntie past away this year, I represent my family to attend her funeral. She is a great auntie and we are really close to each other. I still remember when I finished my high school, I want to study nursing, but my family and relatives were against my idea, they rather me to study engineering, which I don't mind but don't like it either! She is the one that give me encouragement and make me decide that I want to study nursing. In asian family, a male nurse will bring shame to family......, but I want to follow my heart rather than follow what they expect me to do, because this is my life. She is the one make me feel "Is ok to follow ur heart!" For that reason, I am really appreciate her encouragement!!
It wasn't romantic to study nursing due to lot of other factors. The pressure come from a lot of sources, but I don't intend to talk about it today. After I finish my study, I become a nurse (of course), and start to work. I still remember the 1st time when I saw my patient dead, I was really upset and almost brought out my tear, but I didn't due to my heroic self... I think most of the guys are like that, they don't want ppl to see their weaknesses. After my 1st time... second.... third.... until now, I don't even know how many ppl dead under my care... (sounds scary). But the point is, I don't feel as upset as before...... I feel easy to let go...... and I feel less pain...... in fact...... this is what we called "building up resistance"!!
Let's back to my my auntie funeral. I was really upset, but not as upset as I thought. I want to cry, but is hard for me to cry! I have lost my ability to cry!! I went to the funeral with my uncle robert, when he saw my auntie, he pretty much cried straight away, in the other hand, I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I just coudn't! Until after I saw my uncle (Auntie's husband), I saw him suffered so much from his loss and cried so hard, I felt his pain, and finally I was crying. After that funeral, uncle robert told me one thing "Li Fah, look at you, after you become a nurse and have seen so many dead, your heart has became so numb." Of course, he said it in a humorous and joking way, but when I heard it, I felt like thunder striking my heart! Sarcastically, nurse should be the one with lot of love and compassion, but after a while, some of the nurses have loss their ability. It becomes just doing the tasks, just finish your jobs. When they have pain, give them painkiller... when they feel sick...... just give whatever medication can treat the symptoms! I reflect and aware of this "habit", and try not to make it become my "habit"!! Don't make this "habit" numb your heart!!
Lot of people building up a lot of resistance on lot of things. They do what they do... they see what they see... they say what they say... and interestingly they know the standard answer to a lot of things, but non of those answers come from their realisation. Understand it, but not realising it! From daily task... washing... brushing teeth... to working... studying.... to look after kid... to cook and so on. We do what we do, but we don't follow our heart anymore. Our daily routine has made us numb!! Numb!! Numb!!
People asked me "Hei Li Hua, what is heart? I don't understand." It is really hard to explain, even thought if I did, but it might become another "knowledge" to you. It is almost impossible to teach by word about what is "heart". But I think if you want me to answer it, I will say "Follow your heart, the great heart that god give you, and not the heart that with hatred, greed, and desire, but the heart with love!! Follow the feeling, but don't let any of your physical activity become a routine or a task." I guess what I want to say here is don't let your daily routine and habits numb your heart, instead we should try to make our heart more sensitive, so we have the space to grow!
No pain no gain! Do you want some pain? MrDumDum Gum
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