What if......

There is a lot of what if in my life, such as what if I didn't come to australia? What if I didn't study nursing? What if I won 1 million lotto ticket? What if I choose to become another person and not the person that I am now? What if I didn't do this? What if i did that?

What if is just a way to reflect on myself and to re-evaluate the value and belief of my life. Sometimes I use that question because I regret on something, but not most of the times. "What if" is quite interesting, and I manage to understand more about myself by using it. Is not the question that I ask make me understand myself, is how I figure out the intention or real feeling beneath those "what if". It might because I regret... or it might be because I make the right decision and proud of myself... or might be I am still hungry for something that I am not even aware. But no matter what it is, "what if" help me to find out a lot of answer. The effect not just help me to find out the answer, but also the make sure I won't repeat the mistake (but I do repeat anyway) again or even help me to build up more confidence on the decision that I have made!

Asking a "what if" question just like arguing with myself. I have lot of arguments with people, but most of the times are discussion. I tend to not make the discussion get into the relationship with people. However, no matter how hard I or people try not to have unhealthy argument, but it still happen. Asking "what if" is like "arguing with myself". I shared this with my friend on the other day but they couldn't understand what I were trying to say. That's not their fault because I am not the kind of person that know how to express myself accurately.

By using the method "arguing with myself", it actually help me to figure different point of view and how others would feel. I wouldn't say I can understand 100% of others' point of views or feeling, but at least I tried. This method help me to build on look at everything on different aspects, which I really love on doing this! In this way, I can cut down my frequency of having unhealthy arguments.

There is a ventriloquist named Jeff Dunham. I like his show and he is very interesting guy! He can manipulate his puppets into different personality. He has so many different kinds of puppet from young to old, stupid to clever, idiot to superhero and so on. Even though everything done in a comedic way, but I found that some of the things reflect on view point from different races, culture, age, country and so on. That's why it is so interesting to watch his show. One of his show is called "Arguing with myself" as well.

No matter what it is. "What if" is definitely a good way for me to learn stuff. However, if you don't know how to use it properly, it might end up with lot of day dreaming! Haha! Or even using "what if" to find way in order to win in a discussion... which is quite sad. By using "what if" rightly, it should be able to help us build up anything in a positive way.


No pain no gain! Do you want some pain?

MrDumDum Gum

Habit then numb

Everyone has a lot of habits. What is habit? I am going to use one of my favourite quote by ghandi.


“Your beliefs become your thoughts, 
Your thoughts become your words, 
Your words become your actions, 
Your actions become your habits, 
Your habits become your values, 
Your values become your destiny.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

Interestingly, William Shakespeare also has the similar quote. It doesn't matter who say it or whatsoever, but it make sense!! Even though I know this quote for a long time, but I still find myself trying to understand what it actually mean. For me, a lot of things is easy to understand, but when it comes to realisation, it isn't easy at all. It need real experience to feel it.


One of good example for me is when my auntie past away this year, I represent my family to attend her funeral. She is a great auntie and we are really close to each other. I still remember when I finished my high school, I want to study nursing, but my family and relatives were against my idea, they rather me to study engineering, which I don't mind but don't like it either! She is the one that give me encouragement and make me decide that I want to study nursing. In asian family, a male nurse will bring shame to family......, but I want to follow my heart rather than follow what they expect me to do, because this is my life. She is the one make me feel "Is ok to follow ur heart!" For that reason, I am really appreciate her encouragement!!


It wasn't romantic to study nursing due to lot of other factors. The pressure come from a lot of sources, but I don't intend to talk about it today. After I finish my study, I become a nurse (of course), and start to work. I still remember the 1st time when I saw my patient dead, I was really upset and almost brought out my tear, but I didn't due to my heroic self... I think most of the guys are like that, they don't want ppl to see their weaknesses. After my 1st time... second.... third.... until now, I don't even know how many ppl dead under my care... (sounds scary). But the point is, I don't feel as upset as before...... I feel easy to let go...... and I feel less pain...... in fact...... this is what we called "building up resistance"!!

Let's back to my my auntie funeral. I was really upset, but not as upset as I thought. I want to cry, but is hard for me to cry! I have lost my ability to cry!! I went to the funeral with my uncle robert, when he saw my auntie, he pretty much cried straight away, in the other hand, I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I just coudn't! Until after I saw my uncle (Auntie's husband), I saw him suffered so much from his loss and cried so hard, I felt his pain, and finally I was crying. After that funeral, uncle robert told me one thing "Li Fah, look at you, after you become a nurse and have seen so many dead, your heart has became so numb." Of course, he said it in a humorous and joking way, but when I heard it, I felt like thunder striking my heart! Sarcastically, nurse should be the one with lot of love and compassion, but after a while, some of the nurses have loss their ability. It becomes just doing the tasks, just finish your jobs. When they have pain, give them painkiller... when they feel sick...... just give whatever medication can treat the symptoms! I reflect and aware of this "habit", and try not to make it become my "habit"!! Don't make this "habit" numb your heart!!

Lot of people building up a lot of resistance on lot of things. They do what they do... they see what they see... they say what they say... and interestingly they know the standard answer to a lot of things, but non of those answers come from their realisation. Understand it, but not realising it! From daily task... washing... brushing teeth... to working... studying.... to look after kid... to cook and so on. We do what we do, but we don't follow our heart anymore. Our daily routine has made us numb!! Numb!! Numb!!

People asked me "Hei Li Hua, what is heart? I don't understand." It is really hard to explain, even thought if I did, but it might become another "knowledge" to you. It is almost impossible to teach by word about what is "heart". But I think if you want me to answer it, I will say "Follow your heart, the great heart that god give you, and not the heart that with hatred, greed, and desire, but the heart with love!! Follow the feeling, but don't let any of your physical activity become a routine or a task." I guess what I want to say here is don't let your daily routine and habits numb your heart, instead we should try to make our heart more sensitive, so we have the space to grow!

No pain no gain! Do you want some pain? MrDumDum Gum

This is UNACCPETABLE!!!

One of my friend told me "Having a beggar in perth, is just unacceptable!!"

We had a long conversation in this topic. Well, I am from malaysia, it seems like "beggar" is acceptable in my home country and other third world country. But why it is unacceptable in Australia?

In Australia, jobless people, single mother, disabled people and retiree will able to get help from government. Therefore people should already have enough money!! But the problem is... where is the money? Do they use those money for alcohol? Drug? Or they spend those money without thinking? Well... I think we have to ask them...... Anyway, let's assume that they use money unwisely (Drug, cigarette or alcohol), then is that worthwhile to help them? Is the government wasting their effort on helping those people?? Are we wasting our tax money?? Should we give the money to the people that show "appreciation" by using wisely??

Seriously, this is the question that all the taxpayer would like to ask... I am one of them... probably back to couple years ago...... I change my thought after I have started my nursing career. I will say 97% patient that I have met so far has shown appreciation to us... what about the other 3%?? Well... the other 3% either has lost hope or feel that living on is much more painful than dead...... No one want to be in that position... Everyone want to live happily! We wish to have have a wonderful family, a successful career, a good life and so on! But reality is always cruel... not everything will go according to our desire

I guess no one want to be a loser! Same as those beggar and patient!! I guess they want to live happily just like most of us... If they have a choice... if they have the ability... I think they will tell god to give them a better life and to become a better person! Maybe some people will say they do have choice!! I think the fact is they don't really have the ability to make the right choice! If we gone through what they had gone through... are we able to make better choice?? The answer is unknown......

We want to control our life... we want to control our temper... but the fact is a lot of thing is out of our control. If bad temper is our weakness...... and when you angry...... are you able to hold it?? Everyone had their own weaknesses and strengths... we can't expect others what to do...

I think we should give everyone opportunity... love... and compassion. It doesn't matter whether they "appreciate"... As human being, we should help each other and shouldn't jump to conclusion and judge them.... in fact... we are not judge of other's life... We can change the way on how to help those people... but having resentment and doubt on helping those people is just worthless...  Let's give more compassion to those who need it... Let's become the role model that can give people hope... Let's expand our heart even bigger!! Isn't that why so precious to become a human?

No pain no gain! Do you want some pain?

From
MrDumDum Gum

Starting point...

I saw friends using blogger to make interesting comments on everything... This might be quite good for me to nurture my skill on expressing myself... And some of my opinions on different topics... Just for me... But if you are interested... Please feel free to browse my blogger and give any comment!!